Eating Coach Fail

Last week I had an appointment with a Nutritionist or Dietician.  The morning started out well.  I couldn't sleep because I was in pain so I started to get ready and I got to my appointment early.  As I'm about to get out of my car I realize that I had left part of my uniform at home.  F%&k.  My first week back at work I have forgotten my socks, then my gym shoes, now my hat.  I ended up borrowing a hat with the wrong name and rank.  Frank drove over to bring me my hat and ended up being late to his new job.  What a day.

Now back to my "eating coach" appointment.  It was a little bit informational, but kind of a waste of time.  She showed me a plate that was divided into quarters.  Each quarter is to be a fruit, vegetable, meat, and grain.  I'm supposed to eat a minimum of 1400 calories and a maximum of 1800.  She asked me a whole bunch of questions then handed me 3 handouts and a brochure for an online Army weight loss program.  That's it.  I don't know exactly what I expected, but it was definitely more than that.  I thought we would come up with a plan of action.  Or a few short term goals to keep me motivated while I'm working on my long term goal of losing 90 lbs.  I did get a cool sheet suggesting healthy snacks.

I got back to my office to look up the program she recommended, Army Move!  I took 2 questionnaires, filled out the registration forms, and emailed it all to the online program.  Long story short, I had to email and talk to 3 people before I found out that the program is no longer running because they do not have the staff to man it.  I got a hold of a Lieutenant Colonel at the US Army Public Health Command.  She said that she would help instruct me since the nutritionist wasn't all that.  She asked me how much weight I had gained.  When I told her 100 lbs. she said "OMG, you should see my face right now."  I let her know that I understood it was crazy.  She kept asking me questions looking for a justification for the weight gain  Was it water retention, high blood pressure, thyroid problems?  She just couldn't comprehend that someone would gain that much for no reason.  There was a reason.  It's called my love/hate relationship with food.  I love food and hate to not eat it, but I wan't going to tell her that :)

 

I told her I had to lose 90 lbs by June 1st which she replied that I should only lose 32 lbs by then.  That was a little discouraging.  We will see.  She wants me to do MyFitnessPal to track my calories and exercise.  She then had to get off the phone for an appointment and said that she will email me.  I don't know where this route of working with a nutritionist is going to go, but at least I am trying.

Suggestions that make you say WTF?

My favorite/most annoying part of weight loss is all of the suggestions on how to lose the weight.  It's usually some form of add this and cut this out.  Or starve for 2 days then binge for 1.  They all make me smile.  I have received suggestions my whole life so I am used to it.  I just nod and let the person talk.  These are how my weight conversations usually go.

Me-Yes, I'm trying to lose weight.
Person-That's great! You should (insert over the top, no one does this for real, crazy ass idea)
Me-Thanks.  (Even though I didn't ask you) Um...how did that (dumb ass idea) work out for you?
A few possible replies/scenarios happen.  Yes these have all happened to me.

• I tried it
• Person-Oh I did it for 1 week and it was good.  But I stopped doing it because (insert a bunch of excuses that no one asked you for)
• Me-(Feeling awkward because I reminded you that you did not succeed at your amazing idea) Oh well that's ok, you look great.
• The mysterious "article"
• I saw it on Pinterest or read it in a "magazine"
• Me-(Was it called the Ethiopian Drought Diet?)  Oh, well if you happen to find it you should email me the link.
• Sorry, but who did it already?
• Person-My friend/sibling/co-worker/mail man/janitor's cousin's dog groomer did it and they lost like a ton of weight.
• Me-Good for them. (I wonder if this person is hearing imaginary voices)
• Overweight advocate
• Person-It totally works. I'm on day 3. I haven't seen any results, but it's great.  You should definitey try it.  We can do it together!
• Me-Oh cool. Maybe. I hope you do great! (First off, dude you weigh the same as me. I don't think we should be giving each other advice.  Secondly, it does NOT sound great.  Please do not try to bring me on to your sinking ship of misery.  I will let you go, Jack.  I will let you go.)
• Skinny advocate-My personal favorite
• I haven't done it yet, but I'm going to. I want to lose 5 more pounds so I can go back to a size 6.  I look so fat in these size 8 jeans.  And then continues to go on and on about their own body issues.
• Me-(Deep sigh)  I don't know what you are talking about.  You look amazing.  I wish I looked like you.  (At this point I want to shank you.  But, I continue to be a good friend and tell you how great you look and that guys check you out all the time.  Meanwhile I'm attempting to not compare myself to you and trying to forgive you for being so naive, self-centered, and insensitive.  It's not their fault that they don't know what it's like.  Poor skinny people.)

Of course there is the rare event that someone has gone through what I am going through.  They offer me some great insight and truly inspire me.  One of those people is Michelle Weesley *names have been changed to protect identities* and I have to give her a shout out because she helped me lose a total of 50 lbs last time I had to get into shape.  She let me know that she has always struggled with weight, but has proven that it is manageable.  There is hope.  It is possible to be the size you want without starving yourself.  Control and awareness are key.  That is what I will be trying to get back to. 

I do like hearing ideas though.  Sometimes a different perspective is what I need.  If you have given me advice already do not automatically think that I am talking about you.  Calm down.  If you are really my friend I would have told you right then and there that you are being stupid.  And you know I would tell you!

What crazy suggestions have you heard?

I gained 100lbs to deliver a 7lb baby and I know I have to lose it all

So I've delivered my baby and now I am left with the task of losing all of the "baby weight."  It should not be called baby weight for me.  I gained 100 lbs. during my pregnancy.  That's right, 100 lbs.  I went from being 185 lbs to over 284 lbs.  Ridiculous.  I didn't even realize what was happening.  I know I saw my weight every doctor's appointment and I saw the number continuously going up.  But it was surreal.  Whenever I mentioned my weight gain to friends or family members they just brushed it off, said that I looked the same, and that pregnant women gain weight.  It's like they fed into the delusion that everything was okay.  That's what I was, delusional.

I am extremely upset with myself.  Prior to getting pregnant I had worked really hard to lose weight and get into shape.  I had achieved my fitness and health goals then decided to have a baby.  I thought I would gain 20 maybe 30 lbs.  Little did I know that I would lose my damn mind and eat every food listed on the "use sparingly" list.  There are a few reasons I think I gained so much weight.

1.  I'm an emotional eater. I was hormonal and felt the need to eat.  I just feel good when I eat to the point where I'm full. (Yes, I realize this is unhealthy mentally and physically)
2.  I had been strict with myself on eating for so long that when I had the "go ahead" to eat, I binged.
3.  I had just gotten back from Iraq where food variety was limited so when I got back I wanted to try all the foods I had missed.
4.  My husband is the chef in the family.  He would make healthy food, but the amount we ate was/is out of control.  When he makes us plates he loads them up with food and portions are way out of whack.
5.  I love fruit and hate vegetables. (I've gotten better with this)

It no longer matters that I gained the weight.  What matters is what I am going to do to lose it.  I have to.  My career and thus my family depends on me.  However, I needed to address the reasons why I gain weight.  This is not my first rodeo dealing with a large amount of weight.  I've always struggled.  I'm just tired of the anxiety that goes along with my weight gain.  The vicious cycle of eating and gaining weight.  Then eating because I feel so bad about myself since I've gained weight thus gaining more weight.

I've tried reading other websites/blogs about weight loss.  I think my problem with them is that you see the before and after pictures with a general description with how to get there.  I read about how great their skinny ass life is and that I can do it too.  But when I look at their happy size 6 faces to get inspiration I feel like a failure that I don't already look like them.  They make it look so easy.  What usually isn't told is the complete meltdown someone has when they gained 1lb during a weigh in.  Or the discouragement when they plateau for 2 weeks.  Or the struggle to love their body enough to have confidence, but dislike it enough to keep up the motivation to lose weight.  Hopefully 1 year from now someone like me will find my blog.  I'm hoping to give a different perspective.  Below are promises to myself.

I will document my journey losing the weight to keep my job.  I will be as honest and candid as I can be because that's just who I am.  I will write to keep accountability for myself.  I will write to show people what it is really like to lose weight.  The good, the bad, the ugly will be written about no matter how bad I look.  I am scared, but looking forward to sharing my journey.