Suggestions that make you say WTF?

My favorite/most annoying part of weight loss is all of the suggestions on how to lose the weight.  It's usually some form of add this and cut this out.  Or starve for 2 days then binge for 1.  They all make me smile.  I have received suggestions my whole life so I am used to it.  I just nod and let the person talk.  These are how my weight conversations usually go.

Me-Yes, I'm trying to lose weight.
Person-That's great! You should (insert over the top, no one does this for real, crazy ass idea)
Me-Thanks.  (Even though I didn't ask you) Um...how did that (dumb ass idea) work out for you?
A few possible replies/scenarios happen.  Yes these have all happened to me.

• I tried it
• Person-Oh I did it for 1 week and it was good.  But I stopped doing it because (insert a bunch of excuses that no one asked you for)
• Me-(Feeling awkward because I reminded you that you did not succeed at your amazing idea) Oh well that's ok, you look great.
• The mysterious "article"
• I saw it on Pinterest or read it in a "magazine"
• Me-(Was it called the Ethiopian Drought Diet?)  Oh, well if you happen to find it you should email me the link.
• Sorry, but who did it already?
• Person-My friend/sibling/co-worker/mail man/janitor's cousin's dog groomer did it and they lost like a ton of weight.
• Me-Good for them. (I wonder if this person is hearing imaginary voices)
• Overweight advocate
• Person-It totally works. I'm on day 3. I haven't seen any results, but it's great.  You should definitey try it.  We can do it together!
• Me-Oh cool. Maybe. I hope you do great! (First off, dude you weigh the same as me. I don't think we should be giving each other advice.  Secondly, it does NOT sound great.  Please do not try to bring me on to your sinking ship of misery.  I will let you go, Jack.  I will let you go.)
• Skinny advocate-My personal favorite
• I haven't done it yet, but I'm going to. I want to lose 5 more pounds so I can go back to a size 6.  I look so fat in these size 8 jeans.  And then continues to go on and on about their own body issues.
• Me-(Deep sigh)  I don't know what you are talking about.  You look amazing.  I wish I looked like you.  (At this point I want to shank you.  But, I continue to be a good friend and tell you how great you look and that guys check you out all the time.  Meanwhile I'm attempting to not compare myself to you and trying to forgive you for being so naive, self-centered, and insensitive.  It's not their fault that they don't know what it's like.  Poor skinny people.)

Of course there is the rare event that someone has gone through what I am going through.  They offer me some great insight and truly inspire me.  One of those people is Michelle Weesley *names have been changed to protect identities* and I have to give her a shout out because she helped me lose a total of 50 lbs last time I had to get into shape.  She let me know that she has always struggled with weight, but has proven that it is manageable.  There is hope.  It is possible to be the size you want without starving yourself.  Control and awareness are key.  That is what I will be trying to get back to. 

I do like hearing ideas though.  Sometimes a different perspective is what I need.  If you have given me advice already do not automatically think that I am talking about you.  Calm down.  If you are really my friend I would have told you right then and there that you are being stupid.  And you know I would tell you!

What crazy suggestions have you heard?